At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.