I was a poster child... for birth control!

She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.