With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.