When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.

I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.