It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.