It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.

You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.