When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.
When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.