People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!