People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."