I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.