I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.