When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.
I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.