I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!