I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.