What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.