It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.