It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.