It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.