It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.