His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.