His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!