Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?