I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.