I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.