Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'