My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.