My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.