My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.