I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.