I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.