With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.