With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'