During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles