During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.