[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.