One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.