One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!