I have three kids, one of each.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.