I have three kids, one of each.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.