I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.