If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.