I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.