I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.