I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".