My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.

I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.