My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.