Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.