I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

I have three kids, one of each.

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.