I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I was a poster child... for birth control!