I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.