I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".