I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.