I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!