I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.