I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.