Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!