I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.
I was a poster child... for birth control!
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.