My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.