I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.