My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."