I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.