She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.