She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.