I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.