My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.