I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.