I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.