I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.