Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.