Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!