Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.