Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!