My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

My wife gives good headache.

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother