My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back