My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.