My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!