I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.

She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

I was a poster child... for birth control!

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!