When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'