When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.