When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.