Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.

I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.