My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!