My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
Rodney DangerfieldWhen I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney DangerfieldI've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?
Rodney DangerfieldThe sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
Rodney DangerfieldAll my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield