I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.