I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.