Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.