Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.