Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

Comedy is a camouflage for depression.