When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

My wife gives good headache.