Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.