my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I was a poster child... for birth control!

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!