my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.