I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.