I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!

People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.