I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.

My wife gives good headache.

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.