I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.