I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.