And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.