I can't get no respect.
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.