I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.