I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.