You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.